


Next Time We're Using a Locking Spell

by Just_here_for_a_laugh



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkward situations, Being Walked In On, Confusion, Established Relationship, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Everyone Is Alive, Fluff, Good godfather Remus Lupin, Good godfather Sirius Black, Happy Ending, Harry is Confused, Harry is about ten in this, Harry is upset but not for the reason they expect him to be, M/M, Married Couple, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Remus is a well adjusted adult who can help, Sex Talk, Sexual Shame, Sirius Black Never Went to Azkaban, Sirius has some hangups, Sort Of, Thank goodness for Remus honestly, also no real descriptions of sex, and that your godson was still asleep, and this time it doesn't go so great, but like pretty much, cause purebloods, conversations about biology, conversations about gay sex, conversations about sex, from purebloods, good husband Remus Lupin, good husband Sirius Black, he's like a de facto godparent, just why one might have sex, married wolfstar, really thinking that door was locked, walked in on, wolfstar, wolfstar babysit Harry, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23624878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_here_for_a_laugh/pseuds/Just_here_for_a_laugh
Summary: Sirius and Remus REALLY thought they had locked that doorAnd now it's time to go have an awkward conversation with their godson about what he just walked in on. Harry is predictably upset, but not exactly for the reasons they had anticipated
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 353





	Next Time We're Using a Locking Spell

They gasped as a pair of gigantic green eyes stood frozen and then bolted. Had it been a different situation Remus would have made a deer in headlights joke, but this didn’t seem to be the time.

  
“Harry!” Sirius cried out, though he had absolutely no idea what to say to the poor kid. It didn’t matter anyway, the boy was long gone from the bedroom door. Sirius covered himself up even more with the blanket and groaned. Remus tried to offer some comfort by rubbing his back as his husband tried to disappear into a ball and again groaned into his knees. Sirius Black had been through a lot of terrible things in his life, but at right that moment he wasn’t sure any of them compared to having his visiting godson walk in on him and Remus having sex. The two had both gotten up early to get a few things done before Harry woke up, but they had ended up getting...distracted, and apparently also losing track of time. Sirius was absolutely mortified. A soft chuckle came from beside him.

  
“It could have been worse.” The defeated Black looked up.

  
“HOW could it have been worse Moony?” Sirius barked incredulously. Remus smirked.

  
“He could have walked in about ten minutes ago when we were-” Sirius frantically threw his hand over his husband’s mouth in horror.

  
“He could still be within earshot! Do you want to traumatize him more?!” Remus huffed a laugh and pushed Sirius’ hand away.

  
“Okay first of all he’s definitely nowhere near this room right now,” There was another pitiful groan from Sirius. “And secondly,” Remus continued, rolling his eyes, “he’ll be fine. Yeah he’s a little shaken up right now but it’ll blow over. Lots of kids walk in on stuff like this. Didn’t you ever walk in on your parents?” Sirius shook his head adamantly.

  
“I’m not convinced my parents ever had sex. I’m pretty sure Reg and I were conjured by black magic fully two years old with perfect posture.” Remus snorted a laugh and even Sirius had to smile at his own joke. Remus rolled his eyes again and smiled.

  
“Okay well either way, I’m sure he’s fine. We didn’t scar him for life, I promise.” Sirius sighed, pondering the ethics of obliviating a child, but then he perked up.

  
“You’re right,” he said, looking like he was putting pieces of some unknown puzzle together. “He probably doesn’t even know what he saw! Okay, we need to get out stories straight. We’ll say that-” This time it was Remus’ turn to cut off his husband.

  
“Woah, woah, that’s not what I meant.” He started. “He definitely knows what we were doing; Sirius he’s ten.”

  
“Exactly, he’s ten!” Sirius said excitedly. Remus appraised him with a strange look.

  
“Pads…” he began, almost hesitant to ask, “when did you learn about sex?” Sirius looked away.

  
“Well...I actually found out about it from some of the older boys at Hogwarts. A group of sixth years were telling some bawdy jokes in the common room our second year and I asked them to explain them,” He admitted with a blush. Quickly looking at Remus he added “But Harry hasn’t been to Hogwarts yet, he’s never been around that!” Remus looked like he was starting to assemble his own mental puzzle.

  
“Sirius, when did your parents tell you about sex?” Sirius thought about it for a second and then replied,

  
“Oh at the usual age I guess, probably sixteen?”

  
“Sixteen!” Remus nearly shouted. Sirius looked confused.

  
“Yeah?” He said, “Why? When did you learn about sex?”

  
“Well I mean they didn’t tell me everything but I at least knew the basics at about seven.”

  
“Seven!” Sirius did in fact shout.

  
“It’s not like they went into great detail!” Remus countered. “They just told me where it was that babies came from and how they got there. Then as I got older a few times over the years they told me what they thought was appropriate for me to know at that point, like what to expect and how to be safe.” Sirius looked completely flabbergasted.

  
“So they just,” he heaved out, “like, they just told you about sex? When you were still a kid? And then they told you MORE as you got older?” He ran his hand through his long black hair and shook his head incredulously. “But, but you weren’t even anywhere close to old enough to have sex!”

  
“No,” Remus nodded, “I wasn’t, but they wanted to make sure that when I was I would be informed enough to make good decisions. And they thought that I should know about something so important to a lot of species and to a lot of people.” Over the years Remus had become pretty familiar with elite Pureblood customs and how absurd they were, so part of him was not really surprised that the major families did not tell their kids about sex until it was near time to start the betrothal process to produce another perfect heir. He imagined a tense conversation in a formal room, filled with lecture and shame. It was like he could actually see it. Another part of him however was still shocked at just how preposterous most of the moneyed Purebloods could be. He did however know a few moneyed Purebloods he respected immensely, and as two of them were named Fleamont and Euphemia Potter, he very much doubted that James had grown up with a similar sexual education to the Blacks and thus probably didn’t raise his own son in ignorance. And even if he had, Remus thought, there’s no way Lily would have let that cycle continue. This was all becoming clear to Sirius as well, who put his head in his hands.

  
“Prongs is gonna kill us.” he mumbled. Remus laughed.

  
“Come on, let’s go find Harry and talk to him before he gets too awkward to look at us.”

  


  


The two found Harry in the room that was universally agreed to be his own, despite the fact that he did not actually live there. They knocked on the door and heard a mumbled answer. Remus went in first, slowly opening the door with a shy smile. He’d put on one of his warm beige jumpers with his jeans in an effort to seem as friendly and unthreatening as possible. Sirius on the other hand was wearing one of his old band tee shirts along with his ripped black jeans and his hair up in a bun, which was about as soft a look as he ever wore.

  
“Hey Prongslet.” he smiled softly, and Harry grumbled a reply. Sirius looked at Remus and then back to Harry. “Can we sit down?” Harry didn’t say anything but he pulled his legs up closer to his chest to make room for them on the bed. As he rested his chin on his knees and looked at his godparents, Sirius couldn’t help but smile at his messy hair and the glasses set askew on his face. Remus smiled too.

  
“So,” Remus started, not entirely sure where to begin, “I guess we should probably talk about what happened, but we don’t really know what exactly to talk about, so I guess if there’s somewhere you want to start we can just go there.” He thought it seemed like a reasonable solution to get an awkward conversation started. Harry looked at his feet and nodded. He was quiet for a few seconds before he said,

  
“So...are you trying to have a baby?”

  
Of the many many things that they had expected Harry to say, that was not one of them.

  
“What?” Sirius nearly coughed. All of Remus’ possible answers were about as eloquent.

  
“You guys were…” Harry swallowed, “You know, um, having sex,” he forced out, “and Mom and Dad said that that’s how a couple make a baby.”

  
“Well,” Remus said at quite a loss for words, “That’s, that's true, um,” Harry started up again, this time much faster.

  
“Is it gonna cry a lot? Is it gonna be gross and spit up on everything? Are you guys gonna be too busy with it to spend time with me? Are you gonna give it my room?” He took a breath and tried not to let his voice falter. “Can I still come over once the baby’s here?”

  
“Woah, hey,” Sirius interjected, putting his hand on Harry’s foot. He looked so small. Sirius looked him in the eye. “Nobody is replacing you.”

  
“Never.” Remus agreed. “No one ever could.” Harry looked up at them both and smiled weakly.

  
“And nobody is having any baby.” Sirius said, moving to the second most impossible thing the boy had assumed. Harry looked confused.

  
“You’re not?” Sirius shook his head.

  
“That’s not exactly how it works, Harry.” Remus said gently. “Tell us, what exactly do you know about sex?” Harry explained to them what James and Lily had told him about the mechanics of how babies are conceived. “They said that it was what couples did when they got married and they wanted to have children.” Harry looked embarrassed for a moment and looked down. “And, then later I, uh,” he blushed.

  
“It’s okay,” Remus assured him, “there’s nothing to be embarrassed about I promise.” Harry was still blushing but he managed to look up slightly.

  
“I asked what about couples like you guys, that you know, match?” The corners of both Sirius and Remus’ mouths twitched up at their godson’s childlike description. It was so simple to him, no confusion, no politics, just simple. They continued to listen to Harry and that’s when it became clear exactly which wires had gotten crossed. “Dad said it was not all that different, and then explained what, um, changes about it.” Harry finished with another slight blush. Remus and Sirius glanced at each other and both knew what had happened. James, being somewhat absent-minded as he was and also at least a few hours removed from the initial conversation, had forgotten that Harry only knew the very very basics of what sex was for and hadn’t realized his son was asking how did gay couples have children.

  
“Okay,” Sirius said, still pretty uncomfortable with the situation himself, “I think you misunderstood what your dad meant.” Harry cocked his head at his godfather. “Couples that um, match, biologically speaking, can’t make a baby together.” Harry looked between Sirius and Remus a few times in confusion.

  
“But,” he asked, “but if you can’t have a baby, why were you having sex?” Remus shifted uncomfortably as Sirius fought the urge to bolt into the woods, big black and dog-like, and just never be seen again.

  
“Well,” Sirius nearly squeaked. He didn’t think he could do this. Luckily Remus took the question.

  
“Because, uh, well, sex is a way to show someone how much you love them.” He started as Harry listened, a little confused but also a little curious. Remus continued. “It’s certainly not the only way, or even the only intimate way, but it is one means to express deep feelings in a way that is just between you and the other person. It’s a way to show love that is intimate and private, with both people working together to show that they love each other and make them feel nice.” Harry nodded slowly.

  
“Okay, I think I understand. So, it feels nice because you’re with the person you love and they love you. And that's why you do it?”

  
“Well, yes,” Remus confirmed, “but there’s also that it, uh, the actual activity, sort of,” Remus was starting to lose the confidence he had seemed to have earlier and Sirius was afraid it might be his turn to step up and save his husband.

  
“Having sex is,” Sirius cut in, “...pleasant.” He cast a glance at Remus who nodded at him slightly. “It can definitely be a big emotional thing like Moony said, but it doesn’t always have to be. Sometimes a couple will have sex because they enjoy it, and doing something you enjoy together is also a way to show love.”

  
“Yeah,” Remus agreed with a soft smile, “Sometimes it can just be a way for people who love each other to spend time in a nice way.”

  
“Oh,” Harry said. “I think that makes sense.” He hesitated for a second. “I still think it’s kind of weird though.” He admitted quietly. Remus laughed slightly.

  
“That’s okay. It is sort of a strange thing. And it is usually a rather private thing, but it isn’t anything that anyone has to be embarrassed about. Most people have sex at some point and continue having sex and that’s perfectly fine. And some people don’t like sex or don’t care one way or the other and that’s okay too. If and how somebody has sex is up to them and their partner and its their business.” Harry nodded.

  
“I’m sorry I walked in on you guys, I didn’t mean to mess up your privacy.” Remus smiled.

  
“It’s okay kid. Just knock next time.”

  
“Deal.”

  
“Is that everything?” Remus asked. Harry looked around awkwardly again. Luckily, Sirius had spent a lifetime having questions he didn’t know how to ask, and so he knew exactly what was on the boy’s mind.

  
“People like it for sort of the same reason some people like roller coasters.” He answered without having to be asked. Harry made a face.

  
“I don’t like going on roller coasters.” He said. Sirius laughed and ruffled his hair.

  
“Me neither kid. I don’t have anything to do with them. And you shouldn’t have anything to do with sex until you’re older. Much older.” He emphasized with another laugh, finally getting Harry to relax and giggle slightly. “You’re too young for all that. But it’s okay to be curious and to ask questions.” He looked at Remus who was smiling approvingly. “You are old enough for that.”

  
“Come on,” Remus said, “Let’s go get some breakfast and then you can go see if the neighbors will let you play with that new puppy.”

  
“Really?” Harry asked excitedly as they stood up. Sirius frowned.

  
“I don’t like that dog Moony,” he said, the picture of concerned skepticism. Remus smirked.

  
“You don’t like any dog with softer fur than you Padfoot.” Harry burst out laughing as Sirius gasped dramatically, wounded to the very core. Harry wrapped his arms around the offended animagus and grinned.

  
“Don’t worry Padfoot, you’re still my favorite.” Sirius hugged him back and stuck his tongue out at his laughing husband, before Harry challenged him to a race downstairs. The two took off like rockets, tripping and laughing over each other and away from Remus’ calls to be careful and slow down.

  


  


Later that night after Harry had left the two were laying in bed. Despite what Sirius had feared James and Lily were not actually mad. Lily had barely even been surprised, saying she should have expected something like this to happen to the two Marauders, and James had found the whole thing hilarious. It looked like Harry had gotten out unscarred and any lingering awkwardness would soon be forgotten. In truth everything was fine, but one thing still bothered them.

  
“The door was locked.” Remus said into the dark.

  
“Yeah.” Sirius agreed. The door really had been locked. “I’m sure of it.”

  
“Me too, cause I’m the one who locked it.”

  
“What? No, I locked the door.”

  
“No, Pads, I did. I distinctly remember that I locked the door when you were kissing me up against it.

  
“No,” Sirius countered, “I locked it when you had ME up against the door.”

  
“No, I-” Remus stopped short and started laughing. “Oh my gosh, do you see what happened?”

  
“What, no?”

  
“We both turned the lock! One of us turned it one way and the other one must have turned it the other way.”

  
“Oh my gosh,” Sirius groaned. “We locked and then unlocked the door.” At that point they were both laughing.

  
“We’re so stupid.” Remus shook his head with a grin. Sirius nodded and snuggled up closer to his husband, putting his head on his chest.

  
“Yeah, but we’re stupid together.” Remus laid his hand in Sirius’ hair and kissed the top of his head. Sirius hummed in content and Remus smiled.

  
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this! I don't own Harry Potter or anything associated with it. Happy reading!


End file.
